Hypothetical Eavesdropping in the Obama War Room

DAVID PLOUFFE (campaign manager): Jeez, I feel terrible about Samantha. But the boss insisted she had to go. I mean, what the hell, Hillary is a monster, and we gotta fight fire with fire. Our next speech in Mississippi should slam her for that "60 Minutes" interview. Something like “As far as I know, she hasn’t cheated on her tax returns. Why won't she reveal them?" And of course it's past time to bring up the Clinton pardons and their stonewalling on those documents, and Bill’s holier-than-thou bullshit.

DAVID AXELROD (chief political consultant): Come on, David. We aren't gonna win by getting in the gutter with her. Even David Brooks sees that. We need to get back to the high road.

PLOUFFE: But our polls stink, and maybe it's the “kitchen sink.” I mean, comparing Barack to Ken Starr! And those racist dirtbags with their Hussein and Islam slurs. And Hillary praising McCain as a good potential commander-in-chief!  . . . God.

AXELROD: Barack has got to be true to his cause. The only way to beat these slimers is to make everyone understand they are part of the old political system.

PLOUFFE: Easy for you to say, when they keep eating his lunch. . . . Hey, let's get some sandwiches in here.

AXELROD: OK, you write him a speech for Mississippi, and I’ll write him a speech. Let’s see which one he delivers.

THE BOSS walks in: Guys, we’re going to start talking about Chicago, my strength as an organizer and my record of helping poor people in trouble. It’s the economy, stupid, as someone once said, and Hillary has no “experience” on that to counter mine. Let’s see if we can pick up some “downscale Democrats,” as the condescen-ding clowns at MSNBC call them. We're going to counter every old-politics jab she makes at me. And we’re going to start referring to her as “Mrs. Clinton.” She grew up in Park Ridge, you know; I grew up on the South Side.

Well, one can only hope.